He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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