I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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