i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
