mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
