dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
