That's intense
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
