i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
