Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
