Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
