I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
