need another drink. this is the easiest way
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
