He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
