Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She bit a glass in half.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
