she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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