Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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