I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
