her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How does one acquire holy water?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
