Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
