She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
