you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
