I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
