whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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