At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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