Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
