is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
