i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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