Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
