Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
