i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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