first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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