Im at strip club and am horny
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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