shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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