Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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