3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
