I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
