I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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