guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
