i wish my penis had a tongue
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
