I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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