you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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