ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
