i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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