You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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