u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You've changed since you got that strap on
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
