You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
