u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
