Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
