birth control should be required to get into college
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
