my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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