Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cockslap morals
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
