forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
